I can't tell you how emotionally crazy the past few weeks have been. Though I have really tried to keep a positive attitude, stress and fear have taken over my life.
It's not as important how I got here (well, it is to me, but not worth going through it all over again), but it IS important to note that everything seems to be getting "back to normal". The irrational fear over this pregnancy has been crippling to me - I've had a hard time connecting to the pregnancy, because I am just afraid I am going to lose it.
We heard a strong heartbeat and wonderful, encouraging words from the OB today - and finally, finally, I have allowed myself to be excited, to feel that it's real. I have renewed confidence that everything will be ok, despite my continued fear. The fear just isn't as strong anymore (though it will likely always be there).
Look. I know it seems that I have been really negative (though I like to view it as realistic - whatever), but I have worked hard to keep a good face and to keep the negativity (read: realism) out of conversations, facebook, etc. Why? Because let's be honest, folks. We all face terrible, frightening, and awful things - but we face amazing things every day.
Amazing things present themselves to us in large and small ways - whether it is something funny your kid says, if it's being thankful you have the ability to walk, or it's the ability to do things on your own. We all live amazing lives, my friends, though it may not seem like it sometimes. Hug yourselves tightly, and remind yourselves of these things. If you don't, the beast that is life will eat you alive.
Now...don't get me wrong. It's cool to say "THIS SUCKS" or "I would really like something positive to happen". It's great to get those things out - however, don't blame your own unhappiness with life on other people. Others cannot make changes to your approach or attitude - only you can. Only you have the power of positive emotions - no one can do this for you. In general, when I see the "blame game" happening, I think of this picture:
(As in - "I'm sorry, what?" )
Or perhaps this one:
(As in "You really don't want to listen to reason, soooo...ok")
I mean, common. Take responsibility for your emotions. Embrace your feelings, and turn it to something good. Our deep dark places have no business in every day life. Face those emotions head on, and make the changes necessary.
It's hard - I'm struggling with it every day. But I am so supremely blessed that I need to recognize and respect my fear and depression, but care about it - and myself - enough to make a change.
Since this post seems to be all about the pictures and gif's, I will leave you with a picture that now sums up how I feel about this post. It's probably one of my favorites:
Learn from today - make tomorrow amazing.